My Feelings About Opposition to Gay Marriage

I haven't always been this open and accepting when it comes to differences between people.  I was born in the late 1950s and grew up in the ‘60s and ‘70s.  I was a product of my blue collar, upstate New York upbringing.  The "N" word was used liberally by my dad and his friends, although today my mom insists that she and Dad never raised us to see differences in race and color (even personal memory can slip into political correctness).  Misogyny was accepted as perfectly normal in those days.  Interracial couples were seen as abominations, regardless of the racial, national, or ethnic combination.  In short, anyone who didn't look or sound like "us" was viewed with suspicion.  And "they" regarded us with the same suspicion.  That behavior was accepted as normal.

However, over the last couple of decades I've stretched my horizons.  The things that I once believed were absolute truths have turned out to be little more than xenophobic responses to anything that appeared to threaten the status quo.  I've learned that thoughts, beliefs, ideas, morals, values, and judgments are personal choices.

However, some things in our lives are not choices.  They are part of who we are, such as being right- or left-handed, tall or short, and white- or brown-skinned.  I've had discussions with my gay and lesbian friends and acquaintances.  I have learned that each one's sexual orientation is NOT a "lifestyle choice."  It is part of who my friends are.

Just as I am not wired for a same-sex relationship, my same-sex friends are not wired for heterosexual relationships.  My lesbian and gay friends told me that sexual relationships with members of the opposite gender simply don't interest them.  It wouldn't even be an issue for them if heterosexuals didn't make it so much of an issue.

I'm not an expert.  I'm simply an observer.  I don't know every person who has a different orientation from mine.  But here's what I know about the gay and lesbian people who are in my life:

Their sexuality is not sexual misconduct, nor is it perversion.  They do not deliberately victimize or harm others in their relationships any more than any of we "hets" do in our relationships.  They'd prefer to keep their sexuality as a point of intimacy between themselves and their lovers, just as most heterosexuals do. 

There are many levels and varieties of sexual expression in the LBGT worlds, just as there are in the heterosexual world.  There are also degrees of behavioral acceptance and tolerance, freaks and geeks, and sub-communities within larger communities, just as there are in "my" sexual world.

There are also countless people in each of these worlds who are deeply hurt and wounded, psychologically unstable, mentally ill, chemically dependent, and otherwise challenged when it comes to relating to other people.  They cause harm to others.  These circumstances afflict all races, social, economic, religious, and cultural groups.  People all over the world beat and torture their spouses or partners, rape children, and engage in sexual slavery and human trafficking.  These are the human indignities we should be working toward healing and overcoming.

Marriage is not the bedrock of our society, as many people claim.  In the ‘way back, marriage was created to establish ownership and to create a lineage to pass along those possessions.  Wives and children were considered to be chattel.  Today, marriage is being used as a way to demonstrate ownership over genitals.  There is no such thing as an ideal family.  Most of us are abused and wounded children who staggered from childhood to adulthood, trying to live "normal" lives with the neuroses and traumas visited upon us by our wounded parents.  I'm not against marriage, but it ain't everything it's cracked up to be.  I know.  I was raped and beaten by my psychologically wounded Christian husband. 

So, when I hear and read about the social conservatives who will fight tooth and nail to overturn through constitutional amendment the California Supreme Court's decision for same-sex marriage, I am appalled.  Frankly, I don't care what anyone's sexual proclivities are or what his or her relationship status is as long as it doesn't affect me or anyone else who isn't a voluntary and knowledgeable participant. 

The thing that appalls me is this:  If same-sex marriage is legislated against through constitutional amendment, who will be excluded next?  What fundamental human dignity will be struck down tomorrow?  If the dominant group doesn't like Native Americans, or economically disadvantaged people, or left-handed people, will they also be legislated against at some future date?

Additionally, if anyone wants to take on a REAL cause to eliminate suffering and improve the quality of human life, take on pedophilia, sexual slavery, and abuse.  Shout, demonstrate, and rail against a government that maliciously makes "social" causes appear to be the reason for the undermining of our homes, jobs, health care, education, environment, and families while it erodes our real civil and human rights.  Put up your dukes against rampant materialism and unhinged capitalism.  Harangue the corporations and advertising agencies that manipulate and hypnotize you and your children into be unabashed and insatiable consumers.  Take on greed and excess.  Take on big oil.  Take on the laws that allow speculators to hedge and bet on the things people need to sustain them, driving up prices to the point at which only the speculators can afford to have them.  Take on the power mongers who manipulate, starve, depress, repress, withhold, and otherwise prevent the rest of the people in the world from living in safety, health, vitality, and comfort.

If anyone has that much energy, time and passion, use it to take on something that matters.  Take on the things that affect all of us.  Fight against the real injustices and the things that cause real harm in this world.  Fight injustice, indignity, intolerance, and ignorance.  Not only will you change your own life, you will change the world.  Give your money, time, and energy to build homes and provide food, water, and medicine for people around the world whose lives are devastated by genocide and natural disasters.  And do the same in preparation for the next big natural or manmade disaster, and the next one, and the next one, and the next one.

Spend time taking on the real sins of this world.